C LeaH

2011-07-18T22:33:00.001+08:00

The Solutions of Child Abuse

As an individual, you have the right to stop child abuse and neglect. Start by:

Understanding the problem. Child abuse and neglect may occur in any children. In 2001, reports have shown that an estimated 903,000 children nationwide were victims of maltreatment. These are just reported cases; experts believe that actual number of abuse and neglect are more numerous than statistics indicate.

Understanding the terms. There are many forms of child abuse. Such as physical abuse, emotional neglect, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse. Usually more than one type of abuse or neglect occurs within families.

Understanding the causes. Most parents don't intend to hurt or neglect their children. Many were abused or neglected themselves. Young or inexperienced parents might have difficulties in taking care of their babies or what they can expect from children at different stages of growth. Poverty, divoice, sickness, disability may sometimes lead parents to take a toll on their child. Parents with alcohol or drug problems are more likely to cause maltreatment to their children.

Support programs that support families. Parent education, community centers, respite care services, and substance abuse treatment programs help to protect children by addressing circumstances that place families at risk for child abuse and neglect.

Report suspected abuse and neglect. By doing so, you may save a child from a life long torture. Call the police if you suspect a child is being maltreated or neglected.
Spread the word. Help educate others about child abuse and neglect. Organize campaigns to help spread the word. Create broachers or post ads online to create awareness of child abuse.
Strengthen the fabric of your community. Get to know your neighbors their children. Volunteer to help stressed parents to watch their children while they take a break. Activities that strengthen communities, for example, service to civic clubs and participation on boards and committees, may ultimately contribute to the well-being of children.
Be ready in an emergency. If we witnessed scenarios of a child is being, or is about to be, physically or verbally abused, we can try to talk to the adult to get their attention away from the child. Say something like, "Children can really wear you out, can't they?" or "My child has done the same thing." Or you can ask if you can help in any way. If you see a child in a public place unattended, stay with the child until the parent returns.
Prevention begins at home. A parent must take some time to re-evaluate their parenting skills. They must be honest with themselves. For example, do they yell at their children? Do they hit them? Do they enjoy being a parent at least most of the time?

Communication and educating our children are the important in preventing any abuse. Unconditional love and acceptance are very important for every child. With this foundation, we can make a difference and stop child abuse all over the world.

2011-07-18T22:32:00.001+08:00

EFFECTS OF CHILD ABUSE

Studies indicate children are exposed to serious abuse and neglect leading to physical and psychological injury and serious long-term consequences everyday. Researchers are still examining the wide range of potential consequences of child abuse and neglect. Evidence suggests that abuse is associated with problems manifested in adolescence and adulthood. Child abuse is a long-term crisis in a child’s life. Even though children are removed from violent homes, the effects of experiencing abuse in their childhood will hunt them through their entire life. Child abuse will affect every aspects of a child’s life and can affect their adult life as well.

Children acquire respect and protection from adults who take them seriously, love and help them to become a healthy, happy adult. Most children received the proper treatment and grew up with love and care, but the children who were abused, neglected and used by adults weren’t as lucky.

Oftentimes, children who are younger, preschool and kindergarten, do not know that they were abused, they tend to believe that what they done must have been wrong. They would become self-blame and precipitate feelings of guilt, anxiety and worry. Therefore, they would not and could not express their feelings verbally hence becoming more withdrawn, non-verbal and would whine and tend to cling. Problems such as eating and sleeping difficulties, concentration problems, generalized anxieties and physical complaints such as headaches would occur occasionally too.

To pre-adolescent child, they have a better ability to externalize negative emotions and are more verbalize. Symptoms commonly seen with childhood anxiety such as sleeping problems, eating disturbance and nightmares, pre-adolescent victims may show loss of interest in social activities, they have low self-concept and are often withdrawal or avoidance of peer relations. Some are rebelliousness and have oppositional-defiant behaviors in the school setting. Temper tantrums are also common, along with irritability, frequent fighting at school or between siblings, treating pets cruelly, lashing out at objects, or abusively, threatening of peers or siblings with violence and they would attempt to gain attention through abuse, for instance, hitting, kicking, or choking peers and/or family members.

PSYCOLOGICAL EFFECTS

A child’s mind may permanently alter the psychological well being of an abused child. Following maltreatment, children are known to display:

· Repetitive nightmares.

· Anxiety.

· High levels of anger issues and aggression.

· Feelings of guilt and shame, but for sexually abused victims, this can be quite severe if the victim experienced some degree of pleasure during the abuse.

· Sudden phobias, such as fear of darkness or water.

· Psychosomatic complaints, including stomachaches, headaches, hypochondriasis, bed wetting, faecal soiling, and excessive blinking.

· General fearfulness

· Specific fear of others of the same gender as the abuser.

· Depression, social withdrawal and long bouts of sadness.

· Self-reported social isolation

· Feelings of stigmatization.

After continued exposure to maltreatment, the abused child may develop further psychological complications:

· An increase of psychiatric disorders.

· Dissociation, intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation

· More acute phobias.

· More serious levels of anxiety, fear, depression, loneliness, anger, hostility and guilt.

· Distorted cognition, such as chronic perceptions of danger and confusion.

· Illogical thinking, inaccurate images of the world and shattered assumptions about the world.

· Difficulty in determining what is real.

· Decreased effectiveness in comprehending complex roles.

PHYSICAL EFFECTS
While physical injuries, such as bruises, scars, and broken bones, may be visually obvious, abuse is also related to several additional mental complications. This includes:
• Children that suffered serious and chronic neglect are likely smaller and lighter than normal children, it has been shown to affect the child’s long-term health.
• Children that are physically abused may suffer permanent neurological damage; it may affect their future development.
• Eating disorders.
• Sleep disturbances and dizziness when awake.
• Gastrointestinal problems, migraine headaches, difficulty breathing, hypertension, aches, pains and rashes which may defy diagnosis and/or treatment.
• Poor health.

BEHAVIORAL CONSEQUENCES

Abused children are known to display:
• Developmental delays.
• Clinging behavior, extreme shyness and fear of strangers.
• Troubled socialization with peers – it may lead to constant fighting or socially undesirable behaviors, such as bullying, teasing or not sharing.
• Bad school adjustment and disruptive classroom behavior.

A victim of child abuse is more likely to be associated with a host of behavioral problems that will affect themselves during their adolescence period.

• Teen pregnancy.
• Self-destructive behaviors such as self-mutilation or burning.
• Truancy and running away behavior.
• Delinquency and prostitution.
• Use of drugs/alcohol and substance abuse/dependence.
• Eating disorders like anorexia, bulimia or obesity – most likely on female victims.
• Suicide or suicide attempts.

Evidence suggests that many of these problems may continue into the child’s adulthood and become ingrained patterns of behavior. It is believed that these children and youth develop such behaviors to cope with the trauma of being abused and neglected. These behaviors eventually become self-destructive and are usually extremely difficult to erase.

EFFECT ON ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE

A child’s school performance may be effected when the child is a victim of abuse as it is one of the most destructive consequences. Research indicates that abused children’s intellectual function and performance in school are reduced. It may also lead to long-term consequences. Victims with academic failure have been associated with antisocial behavior and therefore, quitting school. These behaviors in turn would increase the risk of decreased productivity to the victim, long-term economic dependence and less satisfaction with life as adults.

Victims may display:
• Lower schools performance test scores and lower language, reading and math scores.
• Grade repetitions, disciplinary referrals and multiple suspensions.
• Below average working and learning levels.
• Weaker orientation to future educational goals and vocational compared to normal children.

It is rational that child abused victims will perform poorly in school because not only do they have to face the complications of a violent home life, but neglectful and abusive parents are less likely to provide an intellectually stimulating environment for the child or read to the child, supervise the child’s school works and are less likely to get involved in their child’s academic life.

EFFECT ON SEXUALITY

Generally, abuse may affect a child’s concept of sexuality. It will cause the child to reduce his/her ability to set an appropriate boundary and often instills a fear or negative perception of sex. Even though the majority of sexual consequences are the result of sexual abuse, some forms of maltreatment can also be sexually destructive. For instance, a neglected child may seek sexual intimacy very early in life to cope with the neglect of his/her parents. This creates risk for teenage pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases to the child. Major sexual consequences of maltreatment such as:
• Engaging in open or excessive masturbation, sexual curiosity and frequent exposure of the genitals.
• Simulated sexual acts with siblings and friends, inappropriate sexual behavior, such as breast or genitals.
• Premature sexual knowledge of sexualized kissing in friendships and with parents.

Following in adolescence years and adulthood, the victims will continue to display sexually maladaptive behavior:
• Orgasmic disorders and painful intercourse.
• Promiscuity.
• Dissatisfaction with sex and negative attitudes.
These problems are usually the result of sexual component from a parent-child relationship, which affected the child’s sense of sexuality and intimacy. A of sexual abuse can have difficulty in distinguishing a sexual and a non-sexual relationship and therefore introduce a sexual element into all relationships.

INTERPERSONAL CONSEQUENCES

Child abuse can interfere a person’s ability to develop appropriate and meaningful relationships from childhood to adulthood. Victims are consistently being rated by their peers as displaying socially undesirable behaviors. Children displaying multiple psychological and behavioral problems would often have difficulty in developing and maintaining healthy relationships. Victimization reduces social competence and limits empathic ability that is necessary to establish a satisfying relationship with others. Maltreated children have been known to display the following interpersonal problems:
• Insecure relationships with parents and caregivers.
• Loss of close friends.
• No trust in others.
• Relationship problems, such as overly sexual or conflicted relationships.
• Dissatisfaction with adult relationships and fear of intimacy.

EFFECTS ON SELF PERCEPTION

Parental abuse, without a doubt, affects the child’s confidence and self-esteem. Parents maltreating their child will most likely lead the child to develop the sense of unworthiness. Maltreatment may cause a child to distort or have negative self-images throughout his/her life. Maltreated victims will view themselves as bad, worthless or unlovable and may develop problems such as:
• Low self-esteem.
• Feelings of being out of control.
• Inaccurate body images that will lead to eating disorders.
• Extreme sense of guilt for the abuse.
• Impairment of a cohesive sense of identity.
• Self-disgust, self-denigration, self-hatred.

SPIRITUAL CONSEQUENCES

Often child abused victims report having lost their sense of faith, not only religious belief but also faith in themselves and everyone around them. It is common for victims to display lack of spirit and faith. Moreover, when a victim reaches adulthood, they would show lack of interest and participation in organized religion. Any forms of abuse or neglect would destroy a child’s spirit or enthusiasm for the rest of his/her life.

SUBSEQUENT VIOLENCE

Victims of child abuse would often become violent themselves toward their own children and in intimate relationships. Studies shown that one third of all victims grow up to continue the same pattern that they were treated: one third do not; and one-third remain vulnerable to the effects of child abuse depending upon the social stressors in their life.

What should I do now?

2011-01-06T12:05:00.003+08:00

SPM is over now and I'm like seriously BOREEEEEEED!

Came back to the Genting and KL trip already... Time flies, doesn't it?

The trip was........................... Ok it was not that great.... Going with cousins were fun and all, but not THAT fun... It had mostly to do with all of us wanting to have our own fun, which is all different... There's A's nerdy fun, and B's girly fun, and C's gamer fun... DIFFERENT THINGS!

And there's like less than 30 people in the trip... 27 people? I didn't pay that much attention... xD

I won't comments about the people in this trip mainly because they're all totally different and also because I didn't get the chance to know them that much...

And now, school for the schoolers has begun and I still don't know what I should do... Ok I know what I should do but I don't know how to do it....

I'm gonna stop typing now because I'm gonna go practice driving...heeeeee~ XP

November 17th

2010-11-17T08:32:00.003+08:00

All the girls around me say I've changed... My mum, my sister, my best friends...

It hurts a lot that it they didnt cared to tell me what was wrong and ignored me... I don't like being unhappy... Who does?

Arghhh! Ya so what if I've mixed with a few guys... They're sweet and fun to be with! There's nothing wrong with that!

Things are so complicated right now that I don't know what to do... SPM's just around the corner and I don't have time to deal with this!

Shiat

2010-11-05T20:10:00.002+08:00

Looks like Graduation day is over... And so is the year-long-practice dance...

SPM is just 18 days away... Fingers crossed!

I hope I could achieve my goals soon! Time is running out!

October 18

2010-10-17T23:58:00.003+08:00

It's been long since I've updated this ancient thing... No comment on life what so ever... Graduation is this Saturday and so is the school's performance. Fingers crossed and hope everything goes perfectly well! After this I think I'll have to start studying for SPM...

Once SPM is over, I'll need to reinvent myself completely and start everything from scratch again in College. I'll be stuck in Penang thought... I feel like I've changed into something I myself couldn't even control.

I'll pray everyday hoping tomorrow will be a happy day.

Peace!

Spm

2010-08-26T00:50:00.002+08:00

Damn, we're running out of time for everything... Class Item's clothes, make-up, dance timing... It's all a mess!

I want to do well my part especially my solo part but I can't seem to get it right like the the original!!! I know most people won't notice but I want to be at my best!

Anyways, got my driver's license a month ago and was too lazy to blog about it...

My feelings for anyone, and I really mean it this time, are gone now and I intend to stay that way until I graduate... from College.

I feel betrayed by a certain idiot who is too stupid to realise that she's an idiot. So I want to do something that will SHOW her that she's an idiot. Hopefully I'll get my chance if Fate wants me to...

Bored. Gonna read other people's blogs...zzz

Lame

2010-07-16T17:53:00.006+08:00

So many nerve racking events have happened this year already even thought it's just July. I don't wanna talk about much but there's one thing that's been bugging... whenever I look at her, I still feel so good, especially when she's looking back at me... It's like looking at an angel... I know it's been like, a year+ since I've met you and loved you for who you are even though it kills me, tearing me to shreds and stabbing me in the heart. You're the only one who's made me feel this way and I just don't want to lose you. As a friend.

Sucks that you don't even care and don't even have the slightest idea of what I'm feeling. You said you want someone to love you for who you are, but you don't even know that I love you for who you are, and I can tell you that it hurts, but I don't care.

I've used excuse to lie to myself saying that I've moved on, but using other guys to forget about you only worked a little.

You're not going to read this anyway. You only have HER in your eyes. But I don't care. Because you won't know and I'll act like nothing happened. And I'm officially shutting myself out. My pride and dignity has been shattered by unwanted comments from my relatives. They don't know how it feels and I can't explain it to them because they would still say that I was wrong. This is why I don't like talking to them. They don't get it and won't listen and still say hurtful unnecessary rants.

Thanks for hurting my pride, dignity and emotions. I've officially want to sleep and never wake up.

1 week of holiday left...

2010-06-11T12:29:00.003+08:00

1 week of my holiday is gone... ==... Going to my grandma's funeral a whole week... haiz... I thought this holiday would be special, maybe getting to hang out with friends, or jam with the band or finish my videos, but guess not... I've lost the chance to hang out with friends and jam with the band when I'm at my grandma's funeral... Call me disrespectful but I really need the fun to get over the pain... I'm so moody right now, really feel like crying everything out, but that'll just remind me of how angry I am.

Grandma passed away....

2010-06-07T02:28:00.002+08:00

Grandma passed away the day before my first band performance... mum said it's best for me to not go but she let me go anyways because she knows that it's what I've been practicing so hard for...

Anyways, I've had a great time practicing with our band and not to mention made new great friends... they were so friendly and talented! With their supports and guidance, we've improved so much... And they've opened my eyes to a life I've always dreamed to have... I hope to hang out with them, all of them...again... =D

UGHHH!!!

2010-05-27T22:58:00.003+08:00

Suck like hell! This is the worst day EVER! I've finally seen you're true form! No wonder people hate you! Now I'm starting to dislike you! Ughhh!!!

SPM...The horror!

2010-05-22T14:29:00.002+08:00

Been practicing on my bass guitar recently...

Which is good 'coz I'm getting better at it...

not advance or anything, just better than before...

But its bad 'coz this year is SPM year...

I'm not nervous about it or anything...

but failing BM is what worries me...

But I can't help it! I'm really lovin' my bass guitar! >_<

Happy 17th birthday, Cee Leah

2010-05-19T01:16:00.002+08:00

I want today to be one of the best days of my life...
I want to be smiling the whole day!
I want to get my driving's licence!
I want to play my bass guitar so well, that you'll be impressed!
I want to drive my motor around the highway with the wind blowing in my hair!

But what I really want is just a 'Happy Birthday' from you.

I've said it a thousand times and I'll say it again... I've gotten over her... but she's still special to me in her own way... don't ask me why... she's not a best friend to me, and I doubt I am to her, but she's important to me like one...

So, just smile, you spoilt little brat! Make your teenage life worth it! And FACE IT! Your no good when your being sad! So stop making people pity you and smile! Only True friends will notice that your hiding your sorrows through your smile, only THEN you can cry!

Sien...

2010-05-07T14:09:00.003+08:00

I feel so much better that I'm free again... 'free' meaning I get to sleep whenever I want without having to ask 'permission'...zzz...

Another thing, somehow I feel like I've turned into a heartless zombie...==... I don't give a damn at looking at people anymore... Maybe a glance but not more than 3 seconds...

I've been neglacting my studies a lot... I keep telling myself 'after school, I'm going to study at home,' and then at home, I tell myself 'hmmm...maybe after a little nap,' then I set my alarm clock for an hour, then after an hour, 'hmmm...what the heck, Im too tired to study...I'll study tomorrow, sleep now...' and that went on for days...weeks...xD

The exams are next week!

Things are over now

2010-04-16T22:36:00.001+08:00

You happy?

Ugh...forget about it...

CNY almost over...

2010-02-21T15:39:00.003+08:00

CNY almost over... I can't believe I'm actually missing school...=_=

But that also means... PJ project, Class Item, Inter-class, class food fair, SV project, PM Test... Argh...!

So many things to do...==...

Happy CNY!

2010-02-16T14:18:00.002+08:00

CNY's here!

Gee... Time sure flies... Soon enough it's SPM already... (Choi!)

I gotta pass my motor's driving test!!! I JUST HAVE TO!!! I don't care if I never get to ride on it again but I just GOTTA pass it!!!

Been a whole 8 days since I saw him... I wonder if I should... but it's damn risky... haiz... I miss em'...T_T

xD

2010-02-05T20:49:00.002+08:00

Went to Pragin for the 4th time this week already! Been having so much fun with them that I'd smile whenever I thought of him xD When was the last time I've had so much fun? I only remembered crying over someone who I lovED and having my heart crushed...

For once, I'm truly happy... I wished it'd stay that way... I want to laugh with them and have a great memory... Especially with him... not in a romantic way! (Duhh!)

Haih...

Busy...ZZZ

2010-01-22T14:20:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since I've blogged... Sigh... this year so damn busy no time to make a single video... T_T

Haih... I know I wanna pia my studies, but no time at all...

I have so many things to say but I'm too busy to even blog! GAWD!

Tagged...

2010-01-03T19:38:00.002+08:00

*This are th-RULES!*
1.被點到必填.不填代表你不尊重傳給你的人和問卷
2.請老實回答每一個問題
3.不能擅自涂改題目
4.寫完后請點8位小朋友.不可不點
5.點完后請通知那8位小朋友他被點到了
6.那8位小朋友填完問卷.必須把問卷寄給你問卷的人

幸福套餐No.1

你的綽號- what??
年齡-16 going on 17
生日-May 19
星座- Taurus
興趣- Being happy (DUHH~!)
專長- Huh??

幸福套餐No.2

你有沒有喜歡的人- Yes
現在幸福不- No
如果天上給你勇氣,最想做什么事- Ask my crush out. Duh~!
如果有天,你愛的人和你告白的話- Yeah right, like THAT's gonna happen...

幸福套餐No.3

點你的人是- Huimin
她是你的- Friend
她的個性- Sometimes veli sampat xD
認識他多久- less that 1 year
你覺得她怎樣- Eats too much but cant gain weight xP
你想對她說什么- I did your tag!!! lol

幸福套餐No.4

最喜歡的節目- Currently, a particular Yaoi Anime xD
最愛的音樂- Japanese songs
最愛的季節- In Malaysia, I don't have much of a choice
最愛的卡通- Anime...
最愛的人- I'm gonna skip this...
最愛的顏色- Apple Green!!
最愛的國家- Japan!
最愛的天氣- A Sunny and Windy day

幸福套餐No.5

如果上天給你3個愿望
-Have lots of money
-Have the ability to travel through time
-Find my soul mate so I wouldnt have to waste my time finding him.

你是很專一的人么- No.
最深刻的回憶- The pain when 'she' hurt me...
你是個很有信心的人么- The exact opposite
你很愛微笑么- Yeah
如果你要放棄你現在的生活,你愿意么- No. Unless I'm giving it up for a better life.
妄想什么樣的生活- A happy and sadless life full of people who loves me.
是否橫刀奪愛才是愛-What is Love anyway?

New Year Resolutions!!!

2010-01-01T18:53:00.002+08:00

A lot of experts say that if you write your resolutions on a list, the more likely you'll accomplish it... But of course, don't write what's impossible...LOL

My New Year Resolutions are simply simple and most likely like anyone else.

1) Study hard to do well in SPM
2) Get better results than *censored*
3) Officially decide which college I'm going for.
4) Lose weight...
5) Complete both my series on YouTube

That's about what I can think of... ==

I wonder why...

2010-01-01T01:49:00.003+08:00

Gee... Going for motor course seems to be the best thing that has happened to me...

Met new friends, 3 guys... 2 of them 16 and 1 of them 17... what's weird is that the 17 year old one and one of the 16 year old doesn't go to school anymore... I wonder if that's illegal...

And I have no idea why but I keep staring at one of the guys... must be because he LOOKS LIKE A GIRL!!! I like pretty boys... Pretty boys=handsome girls... but this guy's different... his not pretty... he just looks like a girl!!! xD If he wants my advise, he should get braces...

I had fun... And I wish I could keep it that way... I've never been so happy in 2009 until now and the bad memories seem to be haunting me...

And I found out that, whenever I'm reminiscing, my face turns emotionless and people say I have a "I'm gonna kill you" look...=_=

I'm desperate in going to Han Chiang College... I feel that I need to re-invent myself... to finally be proud of myself... I've already wasted my teenage life fooling around... And look where its gotten me... Yeah, sure, being pressure-less is fun... but being left behind is not...

But I've learned a lot from my mistakes...

Like,

Confessing to a girl you like just to give up on her, is WAY harder than it is and hurts damn much...

SMSing to someone who onlines all day, is a TOTAL waste of money...they NEVER reply...

Having friends are the best when you're sad... They have the best shoulder for you to cry on...

Having great reflexes are very usefull when you're crashing onto the wall while riding a motorbike.

You're world revolves around how the person you like treats you...

You'll do ANYTHING for the person you like...

Liking a girl, will make you single forever... =_=

See Cee Leah can DRIVE!!!

2010-01-01T01:07:00.003+08:00

Congratulations~ And Celebration~ and bla bla bla... I forgot the lyrics...xD

Good News is, I can drive!!!

Bad News is, I'm not that good...

Great News is, Daddy's gonna buy me a scooter!!!!

Worst News is, I can't ride it...

Best News is, within less than 3 months, I'll be able to fetch people!!!

Terrible News is, I don't have time to go for the practice...

P.S. That is NOT how my license look like...
P.P.S. I love my new friends I met at the course! xD
P.P.P.S. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2009-12-29T23:02:00.002+08:00

Life's unfair! I hate mine! Nothing I do is worth it! No one cares! I gave up everything! Nothing EVER goes right in MY life! I'm freaking TIRED of MY LIFE! WHY DOES EVERYONE GET WHAT THEY WANT EXCEPT ME?!?! What I've worked for, what I've sacrifice for, what I've wasted my time for! And I get NOTHING back!!! There's always something better than what I do. I cant be the BEST even if I try! I'm so disgusted of myself! I HATE ME!!!

KEK SI NIA!!!

2009-12-27T13:52:00.002+08:00

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! I WANT TO STRANGLE YOU SO BAD!!! IF I DIE, IT'LL BE BECAUSE OF YOU!!!

Not sick Me!

2009-12-23T00:04:00.002+08:00

Wow, that sure was fast! My little fever's gone! Went to motor theory today... Had loads of fun! Saw a guy which looks damn lot like a girl! But not pretty... sigh...lol

Been practicing on my cousin's motor recently, and by 'recently' I meant 2 times...

But my butt hurts already... =_=

It's damn easy but due to my lack of confidence and fear of falling, I'm not good at it... sigh...

Gee...Been feeling down lately, I wonder why...

Sick me...

2009-12-21T19:47:00.002+08:00

Having a little fever... But mum at Taiwan while dad working at Kayu Hitam...

Both parents not home... no one to take me to see the doctor. They don't even know I'm sick...

Anyways, tomorrow going for Motor Theory... have to sit there for 3 hours and listen to the craps they say... After that, maybe in about a week I'll get my L drivings license. And I'll be able to drive around like a madwoman. But of course, I gotta learn first and I can't fetch anyone yet unless 1)I get my P license and 2)I want to get samban or 3)I wan that person to die with me... lol

Holiday's almost over and Christmas is almost here. I'm not really anticipating for the coming year as it is SPM year which is ALSO my last damn year in PCGHS... This year is by far the most bizarre year ever... it's been a total twist. I mean, I remembered in form 3 we were are peaceful and nothing much happened, and now form 4 and suddenly my life changed. Fell in love after 2 years of being neutral and even confessed it and got hurt inside and out because of my stubbornness, my best friend had her ***** **** with a ****, which is a total shock to me... Went to my first camp... Found out (cencered)... and I'm getting my drivings license soon!

Sigh... Things are changing real fast...

P.S. When I say Death date, I don't really mean me dying..

2009-12-21T12:30:00.002+08:00

Shet... Wednesday... My death date...

Bye everyone... it was nice knowing you!

I'm Dead

2009-12-17T19:17:00.003+08:00

I feel sick... My throat is burning, my nose is about to bleed anytime, my eyes are soring and my heart is breaking...

Mum went to Taiwan for a whole week, leaving me, my dad and my little sister at home... I don't know what to do... I'm scared... This might happen again and I don't want to lose what I have now... I love this too much to let it disappear... Worst thing is I can't tell anyone what it is, and I doubt they even care...

And that bitch! Argh! I really hope you DIE! Or BETTER, I hope they catch you! I don't want you to take what belongs to me! I'm already halfway DEAD! Do you really want me to completely DIE?!

Maybe I'm better off dead... yeah, its better like that... but I can't leave her all by herself to endure this alone when every thing's at its worst... My life's already gone, hers is still beginning...

2009-12-16T16:20:00.003+08:00

Went for Undang test today... Failed with 41/50 when the passing grade was suppose to 42/50... ONE MORE!!! JUST ONE!!!! I damn boh kam muan! And I didn't dare to face my mum... T_T

So I immediately registered for a second time in the same day... which was allowed and I was SO relieved...

Study 3 times harder with some help by calling people and asking them and reading the book over and over again within that 3 hours of waiting.

After re-taking the test, 44/50. LULUS!!! So happy~! ==

But anyway, gonna go for motor teory soon... 3 more hours wasted... But first, I gotta find a motor to learn... I just hope my feet can touch the ground ==

Sigh...

Things are getting worst... I'm gonna lose one of them... and its all thanks to that BITCH! I damn don't want things to go this far... I love what I have right now and I don't want to lose anything... but if this happens, I'm gonna lose everything... and I don't want that... But I cant stop it from happening... Because it doesnt depend on me to change fate... I only wished I could do something about that bitch to prevent this from happening...

2009-12-15T09:54:00.002+08:00

I think I'm losing weight!!! ....no wait... I'm just losing blood... ==

Been having constant nosebleeds for 4 days straight... I think I've lost about a quarter of blood in my body by now... Maybe I lack water or something... I just hope this won't effect me for tomorrow's Undang test... I doubt it would because I'll still go for the test even with a bleeding nose xD

P.S. I'm unconditionally and irrevocably in love with NARUTO AND OTANI!!! xP

2009-12-12T23:49:00.002+08:00

Had recording session today. More like more play than recording...

After that, went to a wedding of a rich family. Me and my sister became so cheap go take other people's balloons and cakes home. xD!!!

Went home with an unexpected nose bleed... ==

Now I understand...

2009-12-08T21:48:00.002+08:00

Thanks for telling me what I need to know.

Although it hurts a lot, I'll live. Without this as my burden.

There's no one for me to blame except the cruelty of fate, and it Sux!

Well, what goes around comes around. And I'll be waiting for that very day to see you when it's your turn to suffer.

PC FAIR!!!!

2009-12-05T22:56:00.002+08:00

I wanna go to the PC Fair SO BAD!!!! T_T

2009-12-04T19:00:00.000+08:00

Learning slapping...

So hard yet I wanna master it so bad!!!

Its so COOL!

Rot...

2009-12-01T16:37:00.005+08:00

Rotting at home for the whole day... Damn bored...

Cant sms because I gotta maintain RM30...

F5 friends have SPM so cant hang out with them...

F4 friends one by one of them either on vacation or working or no time...

Dad outstation AGAIN...

Mum working...

Cant go out... T_T

Here's a pic of me and my sis eating a very sweet pineapple using the Web Cam.

Here's us enjoying the sweet pineapple. (Lol)

You can see that my sis's eyes are aiming at my pineapple.

Then she shoots!

And she DIDNT score! LOL

...zzz...

2009-11-29T19:19:00.002+08:00

One thing I hate about holidays is that I have nothing to do when I'm bored of everything...

Cant finish RTF videos when I don't have the rest of the recordings... So I'll have to wait... The rest of the parts are done though...

I dont have inspiration for my own videos...

No new youtube videos to follow...

Lazy to watch series unless its D.I.E...

Planning to excercise in the gym but chickened out...

Wanted to call someone to chat on the phone but my phone bill is damn expensive...

Planning to take the motor driver's license...

Mum bought a webcam and a pendrive for me... <3 her so much! That's coz she usually doesnt buy them for me...

Gosh, I have almost eveything I want... ALMOST...

Next on my list is that computer drawing thingie...you know, the one where people use them to draw stuff on the computer... Donno what its call but I want it!

And a microphone...makes it easier for my video recordings.

Atleast this is what $$ can buy...

2009-11-23T13:27:00.003+08:00

This is total BULLSHIT OK?!

IT SUCKS being ME!

Nothing is worth it anymore!

I'm better off DEAD!

Money Money Money!!

2009-11-19T21:47:00.003+08:00

Went to Pragin today... bought LOADS of new clothes!

And spent RM200 on them!

Bought my first high heels... Which, I'm not sure if I can walk with them...xD

But it sure was fun. First time being able to be fashionable for a change.

Made some new adult friends and even some little friends. Got loads of discounts too! xD

But...now I need...MONEY!!!

And I'm waiting for my parents to come back home and scold me for spending so much xP

......

2009-11-17T16:12:00.001+08:00

Shet...

My sis's swollen, red eyes has passed on to me...

Damn hurts...

Hate this...

Argh!!!

Abracadabra Clsee93's Maple Version!

2009-11-14T02:48:00.002+08:00

LOL

Finished it in half a day.

I know its cacat but I learnt new skills! xP

In case you've never seen or forgotten how the Abracadabra 'booty dance' is, check it from here.

Exams

2009-11-12T10:24:00.005+08:00

Exams for this year are finally over and I'm totally preparing for my grave!

Was moody last night, around 1.40 a.m., couldnt sleep so I took out a pencil and paper and started drawing...

I took out one on my K-Zone magazines and chose a picture of Jessica Simpson to draw... But as I draw her, it looked nothing like her so I stopped drawing her and drew something different...

Then after some adjustment...

I know I know, it looks cacat...

Well, a few days before exam even started, my annoying little sister was eating a pack of rollar coaster's BY HERSELF, while watching TV. Then suddenly she did this....

How 'high' can you go~?

Please ignore the giant wine behind the tall pile of rollar coaster's. Thank you.

I'm crying OK?!

2009-10-31T21:08:00.003+08:00

Today was suppose to be a great day...

Having a great party with my cousins and all...

But dad...

Why must you start this pointless conversation and make me upset when I'm suppose to be happy...

You asked me what have I done to make you happy... I didn't want to answer you...

You yelled... I have no choice...

You've neglected me a long time ago... leaving a huge scar on me that made me feel unconfident, useless and pointless...

I told you the truth, with my tears to prove it....

You didn't know what to answer, so you yelled at me more telling me not to cry...

Mum came, she saw me in tears, but did nothing... Nothing at all...

This scar is deeper than any of my scars, the deepest...

There's no medicine for this... Not EVER...

1902 Subbies!

2009-10-31T09:20:00.005+08:00

1902 Subscibers!!! 98 to more to go till I reach 2k!!!

And I saw this comment left by a subscriber... Totally took me off guard and I laughed real hard lol here's what it says ' i watched all of ur series and i thought that they were awesome and so pro, but i wuz sad when i sa wo of ur series unfinished!!!! im very disapointed in u! D=< '

Cute...lol

Yuck...

2009-10-31T08:52:00.003+08:00

Rereading every past posts about love and stuff feels... YUCK!

DELETE DELETE DELETE!!!

I don't even like love talk and stuff...gross... lol

Efforts...

2009-10-24T20:37:00.002+08:00

Argh!!! I feel like crushing you with my bare hands!!!

Sigh...

Finished the 3 hours of Karate training...felt so sweaty... But I don't think I put much effort into any of my punch or kicks... sigh...

-Slaps myself-

How come everything I do will turn out effortless?

I love karate... but I'm no good at it... still stuck in brown 2...

I love my bass... but why can't I play it well?!?!

I love to draw... but I can't draw anything BUT manga...

I love to animate... but my computer keeps me from doing anything right...

I love you... but nothings gonna happen between us because you won't know... and even if you do, you won't care...

Freedom!

2009-10-18T23:05:00.002+08:00

For the first time in a very VERY long while, I felt free!

Well, not REALLY free, just free from my feelings and emotions!

Its been a while since I felt NORMAL again...

And it's the BEST!

Even if its just a scam, I didnt care anymore...

I just want to be happy! To be ME!

When was the last time I liked a guy? I mean, a GUY! Ever since those two idiots came in my life, I didnt think I'd trust guys anymore... Well, I don't hate guys, just don't trust them anymore... Well, except you JZ, xD!

Hmmm...I wonder what I can do to the picture he gave me... I won't burn it, coz that's what idiots who are in love do, but I'm not in love with him, so I'm gonna keep his picture and SHOW THE WORLD WHO THIS IDIOT IS! MUAHAHAHA!

-Chokes-

x_X

Just a thought...

2009-10-16T20:36:00.005+08:00

Review everything I've been keeping with me that reminds me of you...

I find the mood I used have, placing myself behind humbleness...

Waited for too long, Tears shed when thinking of you...

But what's happiness to me?

Whenever I'm in love, I felt hurt
Whenever I'm hurt, I start crying
And I'm tired of crying...

Don't want to hurt you but got hurt instead...

I kept every memories I have, everything great about you, like an addictive drugs that was cheating on me...

I was always forcing myself in this dilemma, I asked myself to let go...

Closed my eyes and let you go,to forget everything and start all over...

2009-10-10T16:54:00.004+08:00

Drowned in my own pool of tears... No mood in doing anything at all... pulled a fake smile in front of my family just to get by each day... And they bought it... Not only them, those who think I'm happy were all fooled...

Been a while since I've cried... cried yesterday...it was refreshing...

Life's so unfair...

You mean so much to me

I just wish I could tell you now

but I would never be able to find the words

without Breaking Down

Found these interesting quotes on the net... they sound so deep...

Tagged

2009-10-07T10:17:00.002+08:00

被点到必填，不填代表你不尊重传给你的人和问卷。

(1) 请老实的回答每一个问题。
(2) 不行擅自塗改題目。
(3) 写完请点10位小朋友，不可不点。
(4) 点完后请通知那10位小朋友他被点到了。

♥ 被点到的:

1. Yan Yan
2. Hui Min
3. Eunice
4. MayKim
5. Longgan
6. Yee Jia
7. ZhiTing
8. Longgan
9. May May
10. Jingyi

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

01 - [ 4号认识6号吗? ]:: Ofcoz, or I wouldnt be tagging them
02 - [ 10号是男还是女? ]:: girl
03 - [ 8号的兴趣是? ]:: Super Junior! xD
04 - [ 1号有没有兄弟姐妹? ]:: I know she has a Brother!
05 - [ 7号姓氏? ]:: Yong
06 - [ 10号人缘好吗? ]:: Yup
07 - [ 4号有人追吗? ]:: Not sure but if I had to guess, I'd say YES!
08 - [ 承上2号呢? ]:: Har?
09-[ 6号喜欢的颜色是? ]:: Last year was blue, donno this year got change or not
10-[ 3号和10号是朋友吗? ]:: Yup!
11-[ 8号的生日是? ]:: -checks calender- August 2!
12-[ 5号读哪呢? ]:: PCGHS
13-[ 你怎么认识10号的? ]:: Same primary school and Librarian
14-[ 你跟1号的生日差几个月? ]:: Not sure
15-[ 你和9号有出去玩过吗? ]:: Does going to her house count?
16-[ 你喜欢和2号聊天吗? ]:: Yes!
17-[ 你喜欢和3号在一起吗? ]:: If u mean Hanging out, then yes!
18-[ 你觉得7号人怎么样? ]:: A Prefect! xP
19-[ 你觉得9号人怎么样? ]:: Cute! xD
20-[ 你爱5号吗? ]:: As a friend, yes.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

1. 是谁传給你这份问卷的:: Wen Chien
2. 你们认识多久呢:: 3 years?
3. 你觉得他(她)对你來说很重要吗:: Yup!
4. 你与他(她)的关系是:: good friends?
5. 你觉得他(她)的个性如何:: Special!
6. 请问他(她)的兴趣是:: Finding her special someone! xD

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

問 : 當你在更衣室沖水门忽然被打开了你会...
答 : 'WEI!!!' then take the shower to shower that person

問 : 海中忽然大浪來襲后你发现比基尼小姐上身泳裝被沖掉了,你会...
答 : OMG! LOOK AT THAT GIRL!!! xD

問 : 去海边玩会使用咩交通工具
答 : I'll pay for the hourse back riding fee and rides away on the hourse

問 : 你突然发现沒帶泳裝泳衣你会買吗
答 : No, coz whats the point of buying a swimsuit if I cant swim? (plus, I think I 'forgot' to bring my swimsuit on purpose)

問 : 会的。。
答 : What?

問 : 回去时发现有其他遊客手机沒拿你会觉得是哪牌子的
答 : Either Nokia or Sony Erricson

問 : 海边对你來说是
答 : A place where Tsunamies roam!

問 : 看到镜子会不由自主的向前吗
答 : Maybe yes maybe no

問 : 经常用洗面乳吗
答 : No I guess?

問 : 说到自恋会想到谁
答：Tan Yi Wei!

問 : 有人说该減肥了你会
答：Not eat infront of them

問 : 自恋適合你吗?
答 : No...

Sigh...

2009-10-03T15:19:00.003+08:00

Computer busted for a whole week...

Stupid virus...

But now its FIXED! Reformatted!

But all the programs gone...GONE~ I TELL YOU!

And the memories...ALL MY SONGS! MY VIDEOS! MY PICTURES!!!!

ARE STILL HERE!!! xD

Good thing I save everything in an extended Hard drive...

I'm Sad...

2009-09-25T14:27:00.002+08:00

Feeling useless even though I'm being used...

Emotions are getting in the way of everyting...

Crushed is what I'm feeling...

How many pieces of my heart are missing?

How many times have my heart been broken?

Its not you, its me...

You did nothing wrong...

Its just my emotions...

I'm too sensitive...

Maybe I AM better off without emotions...

[MS] Hold On [Incomplete]

2009-09-23T23:38:00.002+08:00

Jonas Brothers' Hold On

I tried new techniques with this video, but its still so...lame...

I GOTTA IMPROVE MORE!!!

My Voice

2009-09-21T22:10:00.003+08:00

I... heard my voice on RTF episode 1... and... I SOUND SO GROSS!!! xD

By gross, I mean acting like a bossy, spoiled, arrogant, princessy CHICK! I know I'm spoiled by my parents but I'm not THAT spoiled! Am I? o_O

Anyway, I'm totally losing my mind... I'm so afraid of getting hurt... Phobia... *sigh*

I wanted to say I love my life, but whenever I DID say that, life would take a 180 turn and I'll have to take back what I said...

So conclusion, does life suck?

Told Eunice a phase I made up on the spot a few minutes ago... It was one of the many random topics we chatted about...

If the one you love loves you, life's great.
If you love the one who loves someone else, life sucks!

Its a bit cacat but true. Wakakaka!

I love this song! Was also introduced by the same person who introduced me to Younha's other songs xD

Younha's My song and... (English version)

I made a song for you my friend
I made a song that I will sing for you
Filling my life with many beautiful lights
And a thousand melodies
You are my paradise

I made a song for you my dream
I made a song that I will sing for you my friend
Falling in love with every part of your life
Until the end of time
I love you more than my life
I wanna know you more
When you call me an angel
When you cross me look
Into my eyes

Even though my love for you
May fade away
I wanna give you more than words ever say
Cause I believe in you
And my song will fill the air when we’re apart
Even though my love for you may fade away
I wanna let my words be true till the end of time
‘Cause I believe you’ll never forget and I won’t forget
The song in my heart

Every time when I was down
You always came around
And your love of life to my life
I am gonna sing forever
I am gonna sing forever

Close you eyes
I wanna give you more than words can ever say
‘Cause I believe in you
And my song will fill the air when we’re apart
Even though my love for you may fade away
I wanna let my words be true till the end of time
‘Cause I believe you’ll never forget
And I won’t forget the song in my heart

I wanna sing for you my friend
I wanna sing for you with all my heart
I wanna sing for you my dream
I wanna sing for you and…

*Sigh*

Butterstick!

2009-09-21T00:56:00.001+08:00

Meet Butterstick!

Voice by me and my little sister Nee

P.S. I just wasted 47 seconds of your life... HAHA! xP

Pictures...

2009-09-17T00:28:00.003+08:00

Here's some pictures I drew out of boredom and some of my pet hamster Ham-Ham!

Aw~ Isn't he ADORABLE?!

Look at his CUTE fingers!!! xD

Eunice said this is a boy... but when I look at it, ITS A GIRL who LOOKS like a boy!

What do you think? Is it a boy or a girl who looks like a boy? Please mind the bad quality of the photographed picture...

(Drew this a few months ago...)

Got bored during class so I took out a random paper and drew something on it DURING GCC's class... xD

Started drawing this, JY said it looked like his thirsting for BLOOD... She told me to draw another one with him licking something...xD

So I drew this but was lazy to finish it...

Only got to his eyes...

After that, drew something on the word filled paper...

I literally drew on the the question paper...xD

This is call RE-USE!

Drew these a few days ago... So long haven't drawn anything... I'm gonna re-write, re-draw and re-create 5.5... (Only a few, and I really mean a few, people know what 5.5 stands for kakaka)

I'm going Nuts...

2009-09-11T22:54:00.002+08:00

Everything's going crazy...

I want to cry it out but I cant...

I cant express it out either...

But its stuck in my heart, making it so difficult for me...

Bullshits keep happening...

How can I make it stop?

A huge burden lifted from me, but it opened my eyes to another burden I wasnt paying much attention to...

Hey dude, Sorry about that...

didnt mean to waste your time...

didnt want to see you waste your effort...

Thanks for everything though...

Introducing Ham Ham my pet HAMSTER!

2009-09-07T11:56:00.002+08:00

Meet...

Ham-Ham

His a naughty dwarf hamster who ate his own sister/wife, seriously...

But despite what he did, which is eating his sister's, Snowy, corpse, and I have to clean the cage and touch what's left of it, we still love him ^^, despite his hobby of biting us.

He loves to eat and always had time to poop on your hand. His cute, fluffy and cautious, he'll strike at any moment!

Here's what his been up to yesterday...

"I smell MANGO! WHERE'S MY MANGO?!?!"

"Oooh~ I look HAWT and Mysterious!"

"This must be the BIGGEST bass guitar I have EVER seen! And I've seen one, ya know?"

"Hmmm...This must be an E... It sure SMELLS like an E!"

"I believe I can fly~, I'm the king of the world! Bow down to ME!"

Wasted 24 hours of my life...

2009-09-07T11:45:00.002+08:00

My stupid PC is lagging again... There's like, 130GBs LEFT! So why does it say Memory shortage?!?!

Took more than 3 tries to render my video, its 5 minutes long now, and STILL it doesnt work!

Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage Memory shortage

Ugh!

My 1646 subscribers (so little T_T) are waiting!!! They've been requesting it again and again and again and again...And now its DONE! So WHY CANT IT WORK PROPERLY?!?!

Sorry, I'm a little bit off today...=_=

Boring...

2009-09-06T23:46:00.003+08:00

Damn bored today...

Went to Karate, sweat like hell... but same as always...

Nothing to do...read every one's blog but it seems like their inactive too...

Tried practicing with it, almost memorized all of it but what's the point when its not going happen?

I'm a very superstitious person so I believe in Tarot Cards...

It says its not going to happen...

but its up to me to decide whether its worth it or not...

Why shouldn't I believe in it?

It was right the first time, so whats so different about this time?

But I seriously wanna learn it. Its so COOL!

But its target less...

Never mind...

If 'that' really happened, then IHY...

Here blogging while waiting for my video to render... took more than 3 hours already with only something as long as 2 minutes...

I felt like a fool... doing this thing while the others didn't even want to touch...

I wanna quit H2C... no one seems to be interested in it... even the others...

But its hard to resist...

Here's a note to an idiot..

I'm so annoyed whenever you ask about her. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HER!!! If you wanna chase her, THEN GO AHEAD! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! SHE'S NOT AS COOL AS YOU THINK, OK?!?! SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE YOU!!! SO SHUT THE F*CK UP! IF YOU ASK ABOUT HER ONE MORE TIME, SERIOUSLY, I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL FREAKING KILL YOU!!!

Well, I felt better now... haha

Move ON, DAMMIT!

2009-09-05T22:43:00.002+08:00

For the first time in my life, I WANT time to slow down...

I feel like I'll lose something important soon...

I dont want to be a burden. But what can I do? I'm weak!

3 things I'm advising myself.

STOP CRYING.

DEAL WITH IT.

And MOVE ON!

No Point in hurting myself with these stupid feelings.

Their all LIES

Reset

Refresh

and Restart

That's all that matters.

So STOP WITH THE TEARS AND MOVE ON DAMMIT!

Whatever...

2009-09-04T21:02:00.002+08:00

Its finally over... well, I think its over... I HOPE its over... but is it really over?

Gone... WHOOSH!... Disappeared?

I have no freaking idea...

Love SUCKS!

It hurts too much and it can be a pain in the butt!

I'm REALLY gonna break Cupid's arrows if it ever happen again...

But then again...

sigh...

...nevermind...

3 Pictures, 3 Sentence

2009-08-28T22:01:00.003+08:00

3 words, The Pictures Taken...

August 27 2009, went to school to practice drama with the other Librarians. Then after that, went to One Stop with Phaik Kim and JooYee to have lunch. We went to KFC...

I have 4 words to describe this picture...

...Those are NOT MINE!

The spegetti and smashed potato was Phaik Kim's...haha... then the rest are mine. JooYee wanted revenge so she arrange everything like that and took this pic...lol

August 28 2009, went to school because they forced my class to go to some stupid time wasting speech...They forced us to come, forced us to shut up, and worst...forced us to SING!

1 word...

...BORING!

You can see Chin Chin complaining to Tze Huay...

August 24 2009, Longgan, her brother, Jian Zhen, HuiMin came to my house for recording session. Ended up fooling around and chatted weird topics... I got fed up so I took out a gun and shoot them...

2 words...

...All DIE!

Haha!

Dammit!

2009-08-26T23:07:00.004+08:00

I finally figured out why I was having these mood swings...

It has absolutely nothing to do with me, but why should I worry over someone who doesn't even care about me?

Now I've became so feeling-less over things.

My expressions have nothing to do with my feelings.

I'm just wasting my time!

Its painful to see you right in front of me and hurting me like HELL but I cant even do anything about it, whats worst is that you dont even know you're hurting me.

This sucks! I hate this!

The prediction came true...

Chess...

2009-08-23T17:32:00.006+08:00

I cant believe I'm saying this...

But...

I like CHESS!

Damn it!

Pwettyyyy...

Why does it has to be so DARN pretty?

Time for WAR!..

...With my SISTER!

'See's

2009-08-22T18:26:00.006+08:00

Recently took a picture of my cousins from my dad's side of the family. Unlike my mum's side, who are all guys with me and my lil sis who are the only girls, my cousins from my dad's side are

all girls, lol. Weird huh?

A Pic of me, my sis and my cousins...

From your left to right, there's See Bee Bee (the toy poodle), See Cee Leah (Me), See Bee Tin (My cousin, 3rd of her family), See Fern Nee (My sis), See Bee Yong (My cousin, youngest of her family) and on top on the mini sofa, See Bee Koon (My cousin, eldest in her family)

So basically, we have many Es in our name. Hahax.

Isnt See Bee Bee cute? She's very active and photo shy, lol. That's why she looked away. XD

Here's her Cosplaying as a korean

Here's another of her cosplaying as a gangster in a bike!

And this one is her preparing to go SHOPPING! XD

And this is her saying bye bye to you with puppy dog eyes begging you not to leave...lolx

xD

2009-08-22T16:00:00.004+08:00

I LOVE Nobuo from Nana the Live Action Movie SO DAMN MUCH!

He is SO CUTE! xP

Doesnt he have the 'pretty boy/ handsome' look? xP

Ok ok, I think I over react... xP

Holiday...yay? zzz...

2009-08-22T00:28:00.003+08:00

The one week holiday has finally arrived...

But gonna be so darn busy...

Got Videos to make,scripts to write, lessons to learn, places to go, lines to memorize, recordings to record and most importantly, weight to gain...zzz

Got Librarian's Anniversary's Drama to prepare too... only less than a week to make ends meet... hope it goes well... xD

I LOVE YOU! DADDY and MUMMY!

2009-08-15T21:15:00.002+08:00

Thanks for spending RM1250 for the whole thing! xD I LOVE YOU!

Even though I have NO IDEA how to use it, I promise I'll appreciate it and learn it properly.

It's SO FREAKING AWESOME!!! xD

You're the BEST PARENTS IN THE WORLD! I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH! MUAKS! xD

Tagged by Eunice L

2009-08-15T20:42:00.003+08:00

what's your..
1 Last beverage: Soya drink
2 Last phone call: 10 minutes ago.
3 Last text message: a second ago
4 Last song you listened to: I wanna by the All American Rejects
5 Last time you cried: Dont wanna remember

Have u ever:
6 Dated someone twice: No
7 Been cheated on: No idea...
8 Kissed someone and regretted it: zzz...
9 Lost someone special: Kinda...
10 Been depressed: ya, now too...
11 Been drunk and threw up: No

three favourite colour :
12 Apple Green
13 Light Blue
14 Black

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15 Made a new friend: Lots
16 Fallen out of love: Unsuccesfully...
17 Laughed until you cried: Yup
18 Met someone who changed you: Yes
19 Found out who were your true friend: Yea
20 Found out someone was talking about you : Still looking...
21 Kissed anyone on your friend's list: No...
22 How many people on your friend list do you know in real life: All of them?
23 How many kids do you want to have: Not kids, Puppies! xD
24 Do you have any pets: Ya, a hamster name Ham-Ham! xD
25 Do you want to change your name: Only the spelling
26 What did you do for your last birthday: Crying and making a fool out of myself
27 What time did you wake up today: 6am
28 What were you doing at midnight last night: Watching TV
29 Name something you CANNOT wait for: My dream to come true
30 Last time you saw your Mother: a few seconds ago
31 What is the one thing you wish you could change about your life: My height? lol
32 What are you listening to right now: Still listening to I wanna by All American Rejects...lol
33 Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Err...no?
34.What's getting on your nerves right now: something...or someone...(not telling)
35 Most visited webpage: Youtube
36 Whats your real name: See Cee Leah, that's pronounced C.C.Lea!
37 Nicknames: Cecilia, does it count?
38 Relationship Status: Single and inlove
39 Zodiac sign: Taurus
40 Male or female : Female
41 Elementary?: PCGPS
42 Middle School?: PCGPS
43 High school/college?: PCGHS
44 Hair colour: Black with a slight brownish highlight (Natural Color)
Long or short: Short but wish it were long
46 Height: Next question!
47 Do you have a crush on someone?: A HUGE crush
48 What do you like about yourself?: My hair xD
49 Piercings: Yesh
50 Tattoos: No
51 Righty or lefty: Righty
FIRSTS:
52 First surgery: No
53 First piercing: 7 I think
54 First best friend: Dont remember...
55 First sport you joined: Dont remember
56 First vacation: Dont remember
57 First pair of trainers: I dont think I have
RIGHT NOW:
57 Eating: No
58 Drinking: No
59 I'm about to: Download I Wanna by All American Rejects...xD
60 Listening: STILL listening to I Wanna by All American Rejects hahax
61 Waiting: For someone...haha
YOUR FUTURE:
62 Want kids? : Ask my future Husband lol
63 Get Married? : Currently hope so...haha
64 Career? : Video Editing-related jobs or Animator or Writer
WHICH IS BETTER:
65 Lips or eyes: Eyes
66 Hugs or kisses: Hugs
67 Shorter or taller: Taller la!
68 Older or Younger: Younger
69 Romantic or spontaneous: A bit of both?
70 Nice stomach or nice arms: ARMS!
71 Sensitive or loud: A bit of both
72 hook up or relationship: Relationship
73 Trouble maker or hesitant: Trouble Maker coz its more fun!

HAVE YOU EVER:
74 Kissed a stranger: In my dreams
75 Drank hard liquor: No.
76 Lost glasses/contacts: Not yet
77 Sex on first date: W-WHAT?! NO!
78 Broken someone's heart: Yea, 5 to be exact...
79 Been arrested: No! I'm a good girl!
80 Turned someone down: Yea
81 Cried when someone died: No one I know died yet...
82 Fallen for a friend?: Yea...
83 At the end, you need to choose 15 people (girls n boys) to be tagged and list their names.

Can I NOT tag anyone?

Bad Luck

2009-08-14T22:29:00.002+08:00

Tuesday... I'll never forget that day...

I woke up early for Librarian duty, went to the car with my dad and sis to find that the car wont start... Then me and my sis ran back up home to get my mum's car key...

Back down, Whoops! Tripped and fell...

Injured both my knees! But minor only...

Then Have to wait for an hour until I finally bandaged it up...

Then after school... Was the LAST student to be picked up by parents...its not the first time and it wont be the last!

Then my dad took me to my fav 'restorant', only to find it was closing time when we arrived...zzz...

3 strikes in a single day!

Sigh...

Dragon Ball

2009-07-26T16:34:00.002+08:00

Hey! Look What I Found!

I've totally forgotten about my Form 3 art assignment! xD

We were ask to draw a kid's clock! So I drew this! This is like, my second best art, with paintings, yet! The best I've drawn is a portrait of Tata Young from a magazine, which I seem to have misplaced...lol

Those idiots

2009-07-24T21:37:00.002+08:00

I'm so PISSED OFF!

Those teachers should have their brains CHECKED!

I mean, clearly, with 15 witnesses, ITS YOU'RE FAULT!

Don't go around demeriting people's marks FOR YOUR OWN SAKE!

I'm SO PISSED!

And Miss T. Vasanta is just too cruel to ME!

All I did was ONE mistake! I answered ONE wrong question! And you're like "I donno what happen to you" ?!?! WHAT THE FCK!

You're just being unfair! I didn't even talk and you're telling me that you're gonna demerit my marks!

I'm already having a bad day and you're just making it WORST! OK?!

I'm so stressed out lately and you're Putting more pressure on me! Just STOP OK?!

ONE mistake! And now you're disappointed in me?! PLUS! I answered correctly almost immedietly, and you're saying "Like that also donno" ARGH!

Seriously! I dont need you to ruin my life! Someone's already ruining it! OK?!

Tagged...Again...

2009-07-24T20:57:00.004+08:00

遊戲規則：

1、被點名的人在我空間將這篇文章轉載到自己空間中，然後在編輯，刪去我的答案，要在自己的Q空間裡寫下自己的答案，然後傳給其他人，列出個需要回答問題的人的名字，通知對方被點名了，被點名者不得拒絕回答問題，完成遊戲的人將會永遠得到大家的祝福。

2 、這個人要在自己的Q空間裡註明是從哪裡接到問題的，並且再想一個題目傳給其他個人，讓幸福的遊戲繼續下去。

3 、不能回傳，否則犯規！

4 、被點到名字的人將得到大家的祝福，並且所有的美麗願望都會在不久後實現。

5、請點10個朋友,不准不點，點完後請通知那10個老朋友他們被點！被点者：

1. HuiMin

2. Longgan

3. Kido

4. Phoebe

5. ZhiTing

★.PART ONE

Q01、你的大名？

★SEE CEE LEAH

02、你認為什麼才算是真正幸福？

★A life with with only smiles and happiness

Q03、你們覺得友情重要還是愛情重要，為什麼？

★ Friendship, Coz love SUCKS!

Q04、你相信天長地久嗎？

★NO

Q06、你現在過得快樂麼？

★No, infact, the opposite

Q07、如果有秘密，你真的會做到坦白的告訴對方嗎？

★If I can trust that person

Q08、喜歡小Baby嗎？

★Not really

Q09、覺得友情是永遠的麼？

★Depends

Q10、希望自己多大結婚？

★ Before 27

Q11、你會為他做自己從來不會做的事情？

★If that person is worth it

Q12、你覺得女生捲髮好還是直發好？

★Straight

Q13、最想去哪裡旅遊？

★Japan

Q14、一輩子都不會忘記的事？

★Is the fact that I try SO HARD to forget that

Q15、如果愛一個人，是不是要拼命挽回他？

★If that person loves me too, then ya, if not, why the F*CK would I do that?

Q16、看到天空你想起的第一個人是誰？

★The person I want to forget most

Q17、你會愛他一輩子麼？

★No, already trying to forget

Q18、喜歡你的人和你喜歡的人，你會選哪個？

★ Neither...Love Sucks

Q19、你會以何種方式表現你對他（她）的愛？

★Do what ever I can just see that person smile

Q20、如果看到自己最愛的人熟睡在你面前你會做什麼？抱著他？

★Nothing, coz there are always witnesses

Q21、如果你想痛扁一個人，你希望那個人是？

★-Censored-

Q22、你會後悔過自己的決定嗎？

★Already regreting one now

Q23、現在最迷什麼？

★Nothing

Q24、你是好孩子嗎？

★Ya, too good...

Q25、覺得愛情和麵包哪個重要？

★My mind says bread, but myheart

Q26、如果你失戀了你會怎麼樣？

★ I wont, coz either I wont accept love in the first place, or I'll be the one dumping

Q27、如果你的BF（GF）經常不回家的話，你會怎樣？

★Call to ask for a reason

Q28、现在给你勇气，你最想做些什么事？

★ Slap her

★.PART TWO

01、是誰傳給你這份問卷的？★YeeJia

02、你們認識多久呢？★ More than 7 years

0.3 TA對你來說重要嗎？★Sure

04、你與TA的關係是？★Best Friends

05、請問TA的興趣是？★Music

06、你覺得TA的個性如何？★ Needs some temper adjustments but other than that, she's ok

07、TA在你心目中是幾分？★80%

08、睡覺前第一件事？開風扇？喝水？★Turn off the lights

09、你的偶像？★No one in particular

10、你喜歡的季節？★ Spring

11、你打工麼？★Want to, but cant

12、打工次數？★Zero

13、你想去的國家？★Japan

14、你討厭什麼樣的個性？★Heartless

15、你會抽煙麼？★What?

16、你會喝酒麼？★Yes

17、你常哭麼？★ Nowadays, A LOT

18、你常笑麼？★Nowadays, Not much

19、你喜歡去哪玩？★Theme Parks!

20、去玩時喜歡自己一個人去麼？★Ofcorse NOT

21、是假日時你都睡到幾點？★ Maybe 10am

22、今天的天氣是？★Just Fine

53、你們知道最遠的距離是什麽嗎？★No Idea

★.PART THREE

54、我的BGM好听么？★Never heard of that song

55、你的皮包里有什么说说吧★Money, house card key, my photos, my friend's photo, HIS photo (which I will burn when I'm free)

56、你生命中最重要的人是？★My family and Friends, but most importantly, MYSELF!

57、啥东西是你喜欢吃的呀？★No Idea

58、现在有喜欢的人吗？★Wish I hadnt

59、你還喜歡他(她)嗎?★ Sadly, ya

60、你觉得我坏吗？★Yeejia? YES! xD

Its Done!

2009-07-19T17:26:00.003+08:00

Went to PCGPS's karate for training this morning, the 90 minutes of training felt like forever! Did more then 150 squad ups and downs none stop! After that, I cant feel my legs!!! Not to mention the 40 sit ups in total I did yesterday in PCGHS's Karate which made the muscles in my stomach ache! I cant wait for tomorrow when the pain arrives! (Obviously, I'm being sarcastic)

Anyway, I finished RTF's Opening Theme Song without H2... Wait a second! I think I was the one who made the whole thing! xD Lol...I wanted to start making the series so bad!!!

Go check it out on H2C's Blog once its uploaded

WTF

2009-07-18T00:06:00.002+08:00

Is it me, or are people passing by me and I didn't even notice?

Its been happening quiet often nowadays...

JY said I must have a lot in my mind, but I don't know...

I know my eye sights are bad but this is ridiculous!

Anyway, I'm having another dilemma...

Should I thank her or strangle her?

Its not fun thanking her, but its *cough* rude *cough* to strangle her...

What am I kidding, its no fun without her idiotic debates...

That's what I love to HATE about her!

Like she said, who can resist her?

Apparently, I can! xD...

HA-LAY-LU-YA!

2009-07-17T21:49:00.005+08:00

GAWD! After 4 days without computer, which is more than I can handle, ITS FRIDAY!

So many things happening in these 4 days...

First off, after some convincing form YJ, I've decided to go to the school's concert... Had a hard time looking for tickets to buy...Then bought a RM50 ticket instead, but it costs me RM35 so I received 'Diskaun Diterima' lolx

Next, our class went to do gotong-royong, as punishment for what happened in Teacher's day, and we had fun! Plus, we did it as P.Moral's Project... Pn. Peh came and watched us too...haha... Hate to say it, but it was kinda fun chatting with Pn.Peh... JY suggested that we have another punishment by helping the enviroment, which Pn. Peh suggested that we cut the school field's grass! xD...I wished JY good luck as I know I SO dont want to be in on it! Pn. Peh told JY and I that if we did it, she'll add marks in our diciplinary marks... JY immedietly agree and at the same time, I disagree... Coz I have like, 100 marks d? haha

Then yesterday, some stupid pervert had 'master bed' beside our classroom's cementary! It scared the hell out of Wern Yen when that F**king pervert saw her and she was so scared that she cried and fainted...As a (failed) St John Member, me and JY helped her regain conciousness... Stupid Tan Guat Beng! She didnt even help out! Instead of helping or worrying, she scolded our class for not listening to her in class! What kind of BULLSHIT is THAT?!?!

We all hate her even more now...Planning to sue her (jk)...wakakax

Then there's one more thing...which I probably shouldnt write...but its MY blog and I have the RIGHTS to POST it!

But then again, I won't... Yeah YOU should know who I'm reffering to! 'M'

This is for YOU!

2009-07-12T21:25:00.003+08:00

Requested by a best friend. Was suppose to dedicate it to someone. But wasnt able to finish it before they broke up...

Its not complete nor will I complete it...

Westlife's I Lay My Love On You MMV

2009-07-12T20:45:00.002+08:00

HuiMin and Longgan came over to my house yesterday, we were planning on making RTF's Theme Songs, Opening and Ending. Had a hard time editing it since my computer is DAMN LAG!!!

Anyway, I manage to finish 1/3 of the video, yes, ME... HuiMin and Longgan were busy having fun with my laptop...zzz...

But anyway, went to St John Campfire after that... it was raining...

Damn unlucky for St John, a.k.a. My teammates, to choose that day...

They move the whole campfire to our school hall...

We waited at a classroom while who knows what they were doing... We played Truth or Dare with Zhiting, Samantha, her sister, Yan Yan, and a few others.

A friend of mine walk pass our class and HuiMin and Longgan begin turning hiao...xD...

They were obssesed with a younger guy, I have no idea who or how he looked like, and turns out that my friend knows that guy... and they were asking me to go ask my friend, which I didnt coz I didnt want to use him nor do I want HuiMin and Longgan to 'flirt'.

So after that, we all went in to the hall... The campfire started and we had fun.

BUT, during the break, Longgan and HuiMin turned 'hiao' again... sigh...

Ended the day happily...

Then Today, got scolded by my mum first thing in the morning... NOT a good way to start a day... It totally spoiled my mood... And DAMN tired... I got lazy in Karate... nearly fell asleep DURING karate training!

Then went home and sleep some more...

I hate listening to my mum whine... it annoys me... but I love my mum, coz she bought me A NEW WATER BOTTLE!!! xD

Is it true?

2009-07-10T23:12:00.005+08:00

As naive as I may be, no one could control their own feelings...

But what was once thought to be controlled, couldn't be control anymore...

I could dream about you all I want, but I wouldn't be in yours

My life is filled with choices, but I wonder why I chose you

They asked for my permission years before I even met you

And they watched as I met and fall hard for you, but they couldnt do anything about it...

Time passed and I'm here wondering why it all happened

Why I made every decision from that day

Its so emo of me

I watched as my friends held hands with their partners

It felt so sweet

And I admired that kind of sweetness

But now

I watched as my friends cry upon me

Saying 'Why did she wanted to break up?!'

Or 'I regret meeting and falling for her'

And some willing to go through the pain AGAIN, but worse, just to be with that person

Now thinking back at my situation compared to my friends

Was it better to have love and lost it, or to never have love at all?

My Own Parody!!!

2009-07-10T22:37:00.002+08:00

You've probably heard Miley Cyrus' '7 Things' song, if not, then here's the MV with Lyrics

Lol...

Anyway, with a song like this, its easy to do a parody, check this one out!

LOL! xD

Anyway, I created my own parody myself... Too bad I cant sing or have a cool band like that parody or it'll be WAY COOL! xD

Anyway, I only changed the lyrics,

WARNING

This is only for entertainment purposes only. It wasnt meant as an insult or offence nor was it dedicated to anyone. It was just purely made for the sake of boredom and funny purposes. Please DO NOT copy this and stay ORIGINAL or I'll kill you in your sleep Mwahahahaha...

Note: Listen to the original '7 Things' while reading my edited lyrics, it'll be funnier...kakaka...

I Probably shouldnt post this,
But I'll regret it if I don't.
When I think about the memories,
Of the happy days with you.

It was awesome but its over,
It's not possible for me, to forget...

Now I watch you, from a distance
Wanting so bad for you to hear,
What I'd say, to you.

The 7 things I hate about you!
The 7 things I hate about you, Oh You!

You're Vain, You're a Pain, You're very Weird
You al-rea-dy have her!
You make me cry, all the time!
But you dont even give a Damn~!

It hurts, REAL bad
When you act like the best, just know you're NOT!
Its hard for me, to live on like this...

And the 7th thing, I hate the most that you do~

You Make Me Love You...

I watched you during recess,
And sometimes after school.
But you never seem to notice,
Of me being in love with you.

It wasnt easy,
Better believe it,
I was heartbroke, tried to forget it,
But I cant...

Oh Yes, I'll scream it out...
So that its loud and~ clear~.

The 7 things I hate about Love!
These pain, these aches, these hurtful tears!
The fact that you love her~
It made me cry, day and night
But you don't even know about that!

You're style, they're weird!
What's in your mind, I have no idea~!
I cannot be, with the one I love~!

And the 7th thing, I hate the most of loving you~...

I cant get, over you~...

And it's obvious that this song,
Is coming to an end.
I probably should mention, the 7 things I like...

The 7 things I Like about YOU!
Your eyes, your charm, your lovely smile!
I blush when I think of you.
You make me laugh, you make me cry,
But I guess that's what you're really like!

The way, you laugh
It felt so nice, I can almost fly~!
I wanna be, with the one I love~...

And the 7th thing I like the most that you do~

You make me love you~ You do~ Ho~

(Parody created by CLeah and CLeah ONLY!)

And PLEASE dont take it as an offence or bla bla bla... Like I mention before, it was NOT created to insult or offence anyone, it WAS NOT dedicated to ANYONE!
Even if it were, I wouldnt tell the truth... kakaka...

Ugh!!!

2009-07-05T21:17:00.003+08:00

WHY AM I FEELING SO MAD?!?!

I've made my decision! But why is thinking of it pisses me off?!?!

Is it because I'm having doubts?

Is it because doing this is POINTLESS?

Is it because there's NO FUTURE in this?!?!

NO! I'm SURE I'm OK with those things... But WHAT'S making me so pissed off?!?!

I'm just so confused!

Every time when I think of it, I feel so STUPID! But I didnt regret making this decision! I know I'm being used and will probably be thrown away like a used tissue, but THAT'S JUST NOT WHAT MADE ME MAD!

Is it because of rejection?

Failure?

Losing something important to me?

Yea...maybe...I don't know...

But I'm doing this for myself! Life's just rough! Its unfair... its cruel... but there's a reason why its like that... I just don't know what...

Dilemma...

2009-07-05T01:23:00.002+08:00

I'm so confused!

Should I or shouldnt I?

If I do it...then... There's will be a new road for me to walk to...

But it would end in tears...hurtful tears...

But if I don't... then nothing will happen at all! But it will save me from that hurtful days...

Are you willing to sacrifice being hurt VERY bad...for the BEST and probably the happiest memory in your life? With just one 'yes'...it could change my life...

Should I go for it? Or stay on the safe side and nothing will happen...

Should I open a new chapter in my life?

Is the happiness really worth the pain?

Each Happiness costs trice the pain...

But this kind of happiness only cames once in a life time... and this pain will probably leave another painful scar... and both will probably serve a memory in my mind forever...

So should I? I really need an answer...

STOP LAGGING FOR A FREAKING DAMN SECOND!!!

2009-07-05T00:08:00.002+08:00

Argh!!! My damn computer is SO LAG!!! SO SLOW!!! How am I suppose to finish my videos if it keeps on LAGGING?!?! GOD! For ONCE! JUST STOP LAGGING!!!

Anyway, RTF Episode 2's story board is 80% finished... It's so AWESOME!!! xD -Drools-

Stay Tune!

RTF Episode still in progress... T_T

Everyone, including myself, is so busy nowadays...Sigh...

What?!?!

2009-07-03T22:11:00.004+08:00

OMFG! MY WATER BOTTLE IS PINK!!!

I'm SO waiting for my mum to buy me a new one!!!

FYI, that PINK water bottle aint mine, it WAS my little sis's...and even SHE didnt want it! But no choice...T_T its either Pinky or no bottle at all!

I miss my old water bottle...but there's a huge hole in it THANKS to SOMEONE, which, I wont mention who it is... -glares at Anne Ooi-

Eunice came over today! Yay! But didnt even get to have a proper chat with her since there's so many other students wanting to have her all to themselves... especially *censored*...-thinks of that person and glares away- Ugh!

Ouch!

2009-07-02T21:56:00.002+08:00

Darn it... I cut, er I mean, sliced a tiny part of my finger... well, its actually tiny dead skin of my finger but now my finger has a missing corner... its small, but it hurts...

Its on the upper side of my finger...

See that red dot? Its where I accidently slice myself...kakaka

Its probably weird to slice myself but there's a funny reason...

Ok, me and JooYee were having fun torturing...err...I mean...drawing some 'things' that were a way of releasing my evil side...kakaka... then when its time to slice of her head, er...did I say slice off her head? I mean cut the paper...hehe... I was slicing it when suddenly it stopped at her neck...er I mean, the middle part of the paper...lol...then I continued slicing when suddely I slice my own tiny part of my finger... good thing its just dead skin or I'll be in pain...lol...

I guess its punishment of being so cruel to the papar drawn person? xD

Then I tore the papar into many pieces and after the final bell rang, I threw it in the big green dust bin... and I erased all the evidents! Muahahaha! xD

Glasses...

2009-07-02T21:37:00.002+08:00

FINALLY! I can see!

NO MORE BLURRY FACES!

NO MORE COPYING WRONG THINGS ON THE BLACK BOARD!

NO MORE BLURRY SIGHTS!

But... Do I look good in these new glasses?

T_T

Joo Yee said I looked like a teacher...T_T... she even said "Good Afternoon Teacher See" to me when I put them on...

What's worst is that my little bratty sister LOVED my glasses... she loves to wear them! She even asked if she could take them to school to show it off to her friends! But to be honest, she looks good in them... But their MINE!!!

Sunday...

2009-06-28T19:25:00.002+08:00

My eyesights getting worst... I cant see peoples faces if their too far, like, my friend who is walking towards me from the canteen at school, and I'm walking from the corridoor, all I see is a familiar figure, and she smiled at me but I couldnt make sure that it was really her so I waited til we walked closer to smile back...

And went to QB today with some friends from camp... I came late so I had to wait for them to finish their movie... First time being with THAT much guys and me the only girl... well, actually not considered first time since I usually hang out with a bunch of my cousins, who are all boys, and only me and my sister are girls...but that didnt count...So yea, but I thought they were...well...err...kinda....gay? lol... I mean, "I wanna go look for clothes..." that was what the guy said... and its freaking me out... lol

Wasnt much fun either...but I saw many of my school mates... but it doesnt change anything... sigh...

I'm waiting every single day for that thing, my friend predicted, to happen... I dont know when it's going to happen... but my tears are ready to drop at anytime... I feel like I dont know what's going on... like everything is a blur...just like my eyesight, I dont know what's coming for me until it happened...

Sigh...

Teachers Day

2009-06-27T21:47:00.002+08:00

Sigh... Today's teacher's day... And its Saturday... T.T just wasted a whole day in school...

Anyway, Chin Chin and the others bought cake, I have no idea that their actually going to make a mini party... They mentioned it before but I didnt think that they're serious...

So, basically, during recess, they invited Our home room teacher, P.A. teacher, Sivik and PJ teacher, P.M teacher, and MM teacher... They invited SJ teacher but she rejected, giving Vanessa a tupper wear to put the cake...=_="...

And GCC too, but she reject too... and we gave them all slices of melted cake...including GCC, even after all that's happened between her and our class (well, excluding me and Joo Yee...xD) and then the rest of the cake was eaten by us... base on the prefects, the whole school (afternoon session) were waiting for our class...

So we came in late...big deal! We didnt miss anything...I think...o.O

Then after the performance, its already 6pm... and everyone can leave EXCEPT our class... why? because Pn. Lim and Pn. Par wanted to 'teach us ABC 123...' =_="""

Turns out that we broke the rule... but the teachers have no idea how to punish us, coz what we did was a good thing, but we broke school rules... leaving the teachers in dilemma...

And Pn. Lim said she wanted to deduct our marks, but WLP and GCC (yea, GCC...) asked to pardon us... because it was suppose to be a good thing that we wanted to celebrate with our teachers... We were all shocked when we heard GCC wanted to help us too... So Pn. Lim and Pn. Par wanted us to think of more than 1 punishment for ourselves by Monday... I wonder what's it gonna be...

After that, we RAN back to our class, yea, the whole school was deserted already... I can say that I ran the fastest, excluding Tze Huay, because I was scared to death that I miss my ride...again... but this time, my parents wont be able to fetch me back coz they have dinner...

And what's worse was that I was dead thirsty when I finally got into the car... FYI, Anne broke my water bottle... It has a huge hole on it now... and I have no water to drink until I got back home...

And I seriously gotta get myself glasses... I cant see! Plus! I'm so tired lately that it didnt help my eyesight in class at all! I'm just curious, what kind of glasses suit me? Glasses and me dont fit! xD

Damn! So addicted to Wheesung's Insomnia... xD And I have no idea who Wheesung is!

I've been warned...

2009-06-26T22:18:00.002+08:00

Do you believe in fortune tellings? Some do and some dont... but this prediction of my friend's seems to be logical...

Seems that the painful days are coming back... and there's no way I can avoid it...if I do this, I'll get hurt by that particular person, but if I prevent it from happening by doing that, then I'll hurt myself... So either ways the same...I'll cry and suffer the painful days no matter what...

And another thing, it's going to happen at either the time when I'm totally in love, or the time when I wanted to do something for that person but was rejected... its going to hurt me real bad... that's just a prediction, it hasnt happened yet... and as much as I want to prevent it from happening, I cant...

So any advice on how I should avoid it without getting hurt and without even shedding a single drop of tear??

Just wanted to type...

2009-06-26T20:19:00.002+08:00

Sigh... Damn bored without Eunice around school...T.T

Anyway, feels like I'm being fooled by someone...Its just a feeling I had since yesterday...but I couldn't be sure...

Times running out... and I wanted to slow it down... and the moments are becoming a habit... I don't know how I'm going to reverse back to my usual self...my usual life...

I love this song... The whole song is about the feelings when your inlove...

Taylor Swift's Crazier

I never gone with the wind
Just let it flow

Let it take me where it wants to go
'till you open the door
There's so much more
I've never seen it before

I was trying to fly
But I couldn't find wings

But you came along and you changed everything

You lift my feet off the ground
You spin me around
You make me crazier crazier

Feels like I'm falling
And I, I'm lost in your eyes
You make me crazier crazier crazier

I watched from a distance as you
Made life your own
Every sky was your own kind of blue

And I wanted to know
How that would feel
And you made it so real

You showed me something that I couldn't see
You opened my eyes and you made me believe

You lift my feet off the ground
You spin me around
You make me crazier crazier

Feels like I'm falling
And I, I'm lost in your eyes
You make me crazier crazier crazier
Ohhhhh

Baby you showed me what living is for
I don't want to hide anymore~

You lift my feet off the ground
You spin me around
You make me crazier crazier

Feels like Im falling
And I'mm, lost in your eyes
You make me crazier crazier crazier
crazier crazier

H2C's storywriter...

2009-06-24T00:00:00.002+08:00

Lol... I wrote RTF's first script! And I'll be voice acting as myself and the evil girl (bitch...xD) Scarlet... check out H2C's blog to find out more about the castings...(casted by H2C)

I showed it to Huimin and she totally wanted to kill me...(check her blog and you'll see it on her post's first sentance 'ugh... i'm gonna kill Cleah!.....' Hahaha! That's couse I wrote her part too hiao...lol... then showed it to Joey and Chiyuen, donno if they liked it tho...haha... but they're acting as themselves too...lol... hope they wont kill me too if I wrote the script too over...xD

And Eunice, I hope you'll cheer up... remember, you're the boss! (of the fictional company...) lolx! And M, you cheer up too (even though I'd like it if you lose our glaring contest again... muahahaha) And hope you two will just stay happy! (I know M will not read this, but hopefully Eunice will Kakaka...Hi Eunice!)

Hope for H2C's success in recording and voice acting! The same goes for me... I know how I'm going to act and what to do to make the series interesting and funny and all (with the help of Hitachii, it'll be even better!) but I wonder if I can actually act it out... I know I'll make a fool out of myself...haha

Hope tomorrow's 'voice acting' session and recording session will go smoothly... Gotta go write the rest of the script... Hope it'll be a hit! xD (OMG...I sounded like a real producer) ...lol... Hope for FTC's success with their music and improvements (they improve real fast, I'm shocked myself) and H2C's too (With thanks to FTC's cooperation and help (ALOT of help)

Gee, do you think we'll earn money with all these movie makings? Can we go pro? lol... give me your comments... do we need to improve? Do we need better equipments? lol

Phew...

2009-06-22T23:42:00.003+08:00

Felt much better after seeing every one's excitement for H2C...

Lol... just reading my past blog made me feel silly xD

I guess I'm actually happy that H2C exist...VERY happy!

And since Maple YouTube series are so 'in trend' with voice acting... we've decided to voice act our series too! And we get to be ourselves! Well, the only non-fictional characters are FTC and H2C and of course, Eunice...Our VIP Kelefe! LoL! And some who we haven't decided yet! Who knows, YOU might even be in the series! LOL... But please note that if you want to keep your identity private, just say so and our lips (typing hands) are sealed!

But 1 more thing still remains... I FREAKING WANT TO IMPROVE MY SKILLS!!! My expectations for H2C are higher than the others...lol...And Hope our Voice acting and voice recording equipments are perfectly set...lol

This little thing...Damn it!

2009-06-19T23:48:00.002+08:00

Look at this little badge...

Doesnt it looked unique?

And I worked so hard to achieve it...

Failures didnt stop me and neither was I giving up...

But now I see that your not worth it...

You caused me pain...

You made me lose blood...

You made...

THIS!!!

Yea... Its caused by THAT little thing!

Some thought I was commiting suicide! (but as joke)

Well, it aint uniqe now huh?

This sharp little devil...

Dont know how MANY scratches you've already caused me...

Missing Teen!

2009-06-17T09:24:00.007+08:00

Teen Missing

Name: See Cee Leah

Age: 16

Description: A 16 year old who looks like a 14 year old (or to some, younger)

Last saw: Sleeping in the class room

If seen or found, please contact us by posting a comment on her cbox!

Rewards will be given (NOT)

Ahahaha! That ALMOST happened in school yesterday!

For those who dont know, here's what happened...

JY was feeling ill and wanted to rest in bilik kebajikan during assembly... so her things are still in class...

My head was hurting like hell (probably because of lack of sleep) so I went to slept on my desk when assembly was over. It was a nice nap. but it didnt last long because I was woken up by a prefect calling me to help JY to take her bag to her... So I took her bags and was on my way out when Vanessa ask,'why dont you go home, you look tired...' (it was probably meant as a peli) ...I just nodded my head and then Tze Huay ask ' want me to help you take your bag? (it was Sejarah, so I know she wanted to skip it xD) I said no and went out...

I gave JY her bags and went back to class. This time, the teacher ask me to copy down the exam answers...So I did it unwillingly... After that was recess, so nothing much happened... Then

AFTER recess, I was taking the dustbin (since it was my turn) when suddenly, "P4D's See Cee Leah please come to the office to meet Pn. Lim" ?! (wtf...what happened?!) First time hearing them announce my name, surprise to hear that they pronounced it right!!! xD

Then I turn around and saw Ee Veng, she said 'didnt you go back already?' and I was like What?! I said 'No... '

Ee Veng: We all thought you went home!

Me: No...I was in school the whole time! Who told Pn Lim that I was going home?!

Ee Veng: Tze Huay...

I was like, Oo...SHIT!, then I ran to the office and saw Tze Huay at the entrance... she saw me and said...

Tze Huay: Ey? Didnt you go home?

Me: NO...

Tze Huay: I thought you went home!

Me: NO I didnt!

Tze Huay: But didnt you say you got a headache and took your bag and went out when the prefect called you?

Me: IT WAS JY'S BAG!

Tze Huay: Oooooooooh~!

Then we went to the office and saw Pn Lim and Pn Tan...

Tze Huay: Turns out that her headache was gone and she didnt left school...(=.=")

Pn Lim: Where did you run off to?! You know people thought that you were missing?! You know how worried your dad was?!

Me: But I was never gone!

Pn Lim: Then where did you run off to during 3.40 to 4.15?!

Me: I didnt go anywhere! I was just helping JY to take her bag when the prefect call!

Pn Lim: Then you better hurry up and call your dad, he was shocked to hear you missing!

I was like, OMFG! This lead to MY DAD?! Then I called him...

Me:Helloooo....Daddy?

Dad: What happened to you?! Where did you run off to?!

Me: Nothing happened...It was all just a misunderstanding...hehe...

Dad: Dont scare me again! I thought you were kidnapped!

Me: Oh, its nothing...

Dad: So nothing d ar...

Me: Ya...

Then Pn Lim asked for an explanation so I explained only what she needed to hear...excluding the part where I slept in class...xD

Pn Lim was speachless so she said "Haiya! Go scold Tze Huay!"

And I just said 'Oo...' and left the room with my laughter hold back... Tze Huay was waiting at outside and I said "YOU AR! .....Pn Lim call me to scold you..."

Tze Huay: Oh she's like that de... so what exactly happen?!
Me: (Explanation again...)
Tze Huay: Oooooo! I'm gonna laugh now...*holds her laughter*
Me: You ar! Didnt you see me in class?!
Tze Huay: Haha...sorry, too busy talking...didnt notice you...haha
Me: Yor! You ar!
Tze Huay: Haha...

Back in class...
Khai li: She was in class the whole time! Didnt you saw her?!
Tze Huay: She was?! WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME!!
Khai li: Haiyo ar You!

Ahahaha! Went back home explaning... Turns out that Pn Lim called my dad before calling me... And my dad called my mum... and my mum called my sister... hahaha...

My mum and dad was so mad at Pn Lim for not calling me BEFORE calling them... my dad said this kind of thing cant fool around... My mum thought I Ponteng school and already imagined me being scold by my dad...haha...

So everything was all just a mistake...
Tze Huay thought I went home early and told Pn Lim that TWO pupils went home...

Pn Lim only knows that JY has the permission to go home and thought that I went home without permission... so she called my dad...but turns out that my dad has nothing to do with it...lol

My dad thought that I was kidnapped so he called my mum...

My mum thought I ponteng school so she called my sister to see if she saw me at school...but my sister didnt see me at all during school except me going in the school with her...

Hahaha... Its so complicated! xD

Long LONG Post...

2009-06-14T20:43:00.005+08:00

Came back from Camp today... xD... I miss my phone, my computer and most importantly, my family!

Currently no pictures of the camp because phones, cameras, mp3, and other electronics are not allowed...

Here's what happen in these 4 days 3 nights stay from my point of view (note, I'm not Buddhist so its hard for me to adopt the buddhist rules)

Day 1
After looking for my group, (which has 10 different groups) they asked for my phone and I said I dont have it with me (its the truth), and since its ok with them, they told me my room number and I went straight up with JY...

Then I found my room and went to their Hall where everyone's gathering. They told us to tuck in our shirts and we were only allowed to wear long pants...(yes, LONG pants, as in, no short or quater long pants allowed...) Since I was wearing a quater long pants, I wasnt allowed in unless I change... (I was like, WTF) I quickly borrowed a pair of long pants from a friend, whom is also from PCGHS but I've never spoken to her before (conclusion, we became quick friends)

Many of my friends are in different groups so I had to make new friends fast... They started with games and stuff and suddenly, another familiar face appeared... it was my junior in St John (for choral speaking viewers, it was Ah Lim xD) and who'd knew we'd end up in the same group...lol

Then after some games, we had our first group meeting. First, we started off with introductions... and I found out that I was the eldest in within the girls...=.= ..but in the guys, there's a form 5 and a few form 4s (I was like, phew! atleast I'm not the eldest) xD

Altogether there are 17 of us, and we have 2 爱心哥哥 and 1 爱心姐姐, and a 爱心爸妈. So altogether there's 22 of us (20 excluding the 爱心爸妈) After another round of games, we had another meeting. This time, we chose our leader... The form 5 dude as the leader (because he is the eldest) and me...(because I'm the eldest in within the girls...T.T) (I was like, OMG...)

(This is only the beginning but its already this long...I'mma shorten everything)

1st day sucked because too much chanting and less fun and games... too much rules and too little time to make new friends...

The chanting was so damn LONG (not that I'm insulting the buddhist culture) I mean, its like 'A~~~ Mi~~~~~~~~Tuo~~~Fuo~~~~' (note: each pronouncation lasted more than 5 seconds...)

My mind was full of regret of coming here at that time...I wanted to go home really bad...

and the food...(omfg...) Too many rules...We cant talk, smile, laugh, and we must sit straight because its called manner...(I call it 'Shit'...)

Then there's a studying session... the monk's tutorials...It lasted for an hour and I was so bored...nearly fell asleep... the female monk (she talks too much...) kept telling us that we were lucky to be here because we get to learn about buddhist things and that we should appriciate it... but in my mind, I was scolding the monk back saying that I didnt know it was suppose to be full of lessons and that I was here for a reason, and this reason is for me to have fun and forget about the sorrows...but I see that its pointless now...

Slept at 12am something coz we were too busy chanting...it lasted for more than half an hour!!!...(I was totally like, UGH!!)

But made some friends with only the girls...

Day 2 (FINALLY!)

Woken up at 6am...didnt get a chance to take a bath because there are only 2 bathrooms and with only 30 minutes time to get ready...try fitting 10 girls in two bathroom within 30 minute! Many didnt get to take baths, like me... so we only change our clothes...

Then went to the hall to gather again...Did some activities and listened to another one of the monk's tutorials...this one lasted for an hour and a half! But after that, we finally started playing station games! Yay!

We played and had a great time...made friends with the guys...(funny fellows...xD) But the thing I remember most is that, at our last station, we climbed from the 1st floor to the 6th floor to look for the station...but then, someone said its suppose to be at the ground floor...so we ran back down to the G floor and suddenly, someone said its on the 5th floor! (OMFG..I was so dead tired!)But no choice, we climbed back up to the 5th floor (note: There are 10 tall steps in half a floor, so we climbed a total of 320 steps...OMG!)

Finally finish with the station games and took a bath (finally!) Had chats with the guys during dinner time (secretly chat)... Found some chat topics...very funny...Who knew, I only asked the leader 1 question and the guy beside him heard it too and came in to join in too! Then the girl next to me joined in too but that was already another topic...We found out alot of things about each other, including the fact about me being 16...The guys are all shocked! They are like, OMG, YOUR Form 4?! I thought you're just form 2!

Then Skip to bedtime...Chant again before sleep...Damn annoying...(At that time, I was so sure I will never go there again...)

Day 3
Had a better night, even had a dream...lol...

During breakfast, "na~mo~a~mi~to~fuo~" (I grited my teeth...)I was so hungry and staring at my food but the chant JUST COULDNT STOP!!!

Finally, had some time to chat (again, secretly) this time, one of the 爱心哥哥 sat beside our leader (who was sitting behind me) (girls sit infront and boys at the back, so girl leader sits infront and boy leader sits at the back) We didnt chat much but then during 'card making' time, we chat again (openly, its very clear that our group is the loudest) and we chated about meeting after the camp, then our 爱心哥哥said OK just tell him our address and he could take us there...I told him my address and he asked if there are rents available...I said yea but someone died there before...He said'Har?! ....Owh! Nah, its ok, I've seen these things in NS before..." and I was like, "REALLY?! How many times? Can you tell me?" then he paused for a second and we all (yea, the others too) chatted about ghost for...until now? lol

Then all the group leaders were asked to make lucky draws and choose a parformance for the next day's ending ceromony (or something like that)... We got 'singing and hand action(?)'(no idea how to say it)...

Then by night, all of the parents came (except mine and some others) for our Gan En Yuen... Alot of people cried...I was solid at first, then when all the kids who's parents has come went to see their parents, one of the guys in our group asked me "这位姐姐,why arent you crying? (in chinese, lazy to type)" I smiled and said, "you want me to cry?! OK! I can do that, just sponser me tissues! xD" he said "Oh! I have! Here! (takes out a pack of tissues...) =.=... then when our 爱心妈妈 hugged me, I really started crying...I didnt realise that I missed my family that bad...

Skip again...
Day 4 (Today) Final day
My eyes...swollen xP

We practiced our Singing and hand action performance and exchanged our contact infos with the the group, by now, I'm friends with all of them...including the guys (which is a shock to me because I'm not much of a 'make friends with boys' person)... By then, I was able to hit, tease, yell, laugh at the guys...I NEVER thought I could do that...LOL! They guys are so damn FUNNY! But they like to poke me and the girl beside me... lol

We celebrated some grandma and grandpa's birthdays and the leader asked the guy, who asked why I wasnt crying, to dance with him! lol!! It was so GAY!

The leader, one of our 爱心哥哥 and that guy, they call themselves the F3s,(Flower 3!!!xD)...XD They call themselves '如花', '如美' and '如水'! LMAO! They act so SO GAY! lol

'如水'said he'd never act so GAY in his life! LMAO!!!

Then by 3.30pm, we prepared the performance and Popping Boy (A.K.A. Robot of our group) stood in the middle(by force because of his remix of our hand actions! xD

We had tons of fun and even blindfolded our 爱心哥哥 (the other one) and our 爱心姐姐...we tried to let them hug each other blind but failed when they noticed what we were up to...Popping boy took the chance to hit our 爱心哥哥...lol...he would turn to laugh with me when our 爱心哥哥 tried to look for the hitter, blind... lol...but when I let my guard down, our 爱心哥哥took my hand and wouldnt let go because he thought that I was the hitter...LOL...the others told him that I was not the hitter and he let go after some hesitations because he thought that we were lying...LMAO!!! Popping boy look at me in shock and said, "you took the punishment FOR me? lol" zzz...ahaha!

We wrote some comments on everyone's book... most of mine is mainly about how cute I am (got meh?!) and how white I am (zzz...) and some said to keep in touch and a few funny comments...lol...especially '如美's...lol

Then we took some pictures when we got our phone back, correction, when THEY got THEIR phone back...lol... we said we'll keep in touch and send the pictures to each other soon...lol... This definately changed my mind of not wanting to join this camp again...lol...

Its so weird...lol, I never thought I'd have another guy friend, let alone 10! It definately helped me to forget about the sorrows...lol

Finally! Its Done! LOL...Longest blog I've ever written...kakaka...I bet no one will read it...haha!

A trip to QB

2009-06-07T19:15:00.003+08:00

Woke up and went for Karate today and came back home sweating like crazy. Then rush back home by 11am to get ready to go to QB with Eunice and JZ.

After preparing myself in 15 minutes, JZ came early than I expected so I ran down with my hair still wet... Lol

Then we left by 11.30am and arrived at QB by 11.45am... earlier than we planned.

So we met Eunice just in time her bus stop then we went to get our tickets to watch 17 Again (was suppose to watch Monsters vs Alien but then JZ already watched it and he was the one who told us to watch it...) Then we walked up and down QB and chated... went to eat then went to the arcade! lol we played car racing and I won the first 3 rounds but got second in the final round to JZ...T.T

Then we waste our time chatting again and finally went to the movies...

It was so hilarious! But not as good as I expect it to be...xD

And some stars came to perform something but I have no idea who they are... Eunice and JZ seem to know them but arent a big enough fan to care...

Then we chatted again and eventually went back to the arcade to play the racing game again... And this time, I lost... lol But after playing it, I found a phone on my seat!!! Its not ours so we tried to do a good deed by finding its owner... we called the mother and eventually their still there. The little brother reconized the phone and the father said its his daughter's and pointed to a bitchy looking girl listening to another phone!!! The girl took the phone and the father told the girl to thank us... She said thanks but her attention wasnt even on us or her phone! Then we left...

So the lesson we've learnt today is, DON'T BE TOO HONEST! I mean, that girl should at least show some concern for her own phone! I mean, its a PHONE!!! We all regretted returning the phone because its so not worth it! JZ could have had a new phone! lol... So dont be a goody two shoes... Stick to the urban sayings, FINDERS KEEPERS LOSERS WEEPERS! xD

Went to McD and ate ice cream... then went home... sigh...lol this might be the last time this year to go out with Eunice... but we took some pictures... lol

Damn I'm so bored...

My English Oral

2009-05-29T20:13:00.007+08:00

We had our english oral today, and guess what, I didnt even prepared a script!

My teacher said its ok and told us to just say whatever's on my mind...

So here's what I said...

WLP: So, what's your title?
CL: Um... My title is 'The kind of life I would want to live when I grow up'
WLP: Ok, so you may start...
CL: ....err....
WLP: Start with 'good afternoon teacher, my title for today is...'
CL: Good Afternoon teacher, ...my title for today is 'The kind of life I would want to live when I grow up... err.... um... When I grow up, I hope to make a living by writing novels and getting them published...
WLP: Chinese Novels?
CL: um...English Novels...
WLP: Oh...
CL: And I hope that I will be successful and get famous... And I hope to have a caring and loving family...er.....
WLP: .....Tell me about your family...
CL: Um... I would have a husband and two children (swt...) and I hope my husband is also successful. And he must be kind and gentle...
WLP: Oh, gentle and responsible la...
CL: Yea...
WLP: Handsome?
CL: .......y-yea...
WLP: Oh...
CL: ........No la, I prefer him to have a pretty face (xD)...
WLP: Har?! P-Pretty ar?
CL: haha...yea...
WLP: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer......like girl ar?
CL: ...............................................yea...
WLP:..................................
CL: But cannot be as pretty as me laa...(xD!!!) haha
WLP: Ohh...*giggles*
CL: ...and um... I would want to live in a beautiful condominium resort...and err...
WLP: ...and?
CL: err........... and......and I would want to have..... er....
WLP: to have? *getting excited*
CL: to have a....err...
WLP: *nervous*
CL: ....to have a dog?
WLP: ..............oh...*a little dissapointed*
CL: So that my children can play with it and grow up in a healthy enviroment.....
WLP: Oh... Ok... sign here...*gives the score paper*
CL: Oh... *Saw 21 in the total score...* (21/30...haiz...very dissapointing...)

________________________________________________

Emo me speaking...
I'm so afraid... of going back to the miserable days...

It hurts alot! ...and thinking of it reminds me of the pain...

I'm so scared... I dont want to go back! It hurts so much!

I cant bare the pain! Help! Please! No! I dont want to go back!

Please dont leave me! I dont want to be alone! Its just too scary!

I'm not used to that life! I want to be Happy! I want to be Free!

No! I dont want to go back to those miserable days...

Please Dont Take me back! No!

I'm too afraid! Its my phobia now... I'm serious...

I dont want to go back to those crying days...

Its tiring and it hurts... I'll go blind if I shed another tear...

No jokes applied... I am DEAD serious...

Ugh!

2009-05-22T21:02:00.004+08:00

If there's really such a thing called sweating through my eyes (yea, its from Phinease and Ferb xD) then I bet every drop of water in my body will be dried up...

Ok, I admit, I have 'crocodile eyes' which means that I can easily cry...but this is ridiculas! I'm crying for stupid reasons!

Like, when on my birthday, I was feeling very VERY miserable at the beginning...until I saw Eunice and the others... We had a chat and YJ & Eunice even gave me a handmade birthday card! YJ also gave me a little present which is more than enough for me... So we were chatting and then I told Eunice something (I forgot what it was) then she hit me with her KOMSAS a few times, and I laughed... After a few minutes, she hit me again and I dont know why but I suddenly thought of 'that' thing and the next thing I knew was tears coming out from my eyes...I cried...

Then today when I was 'bothering' Eunice and her friend, YJ came and talked to Eunice about I dont know what and X was saying something to me since she didnt want to disturb Eunice...Then I signal something which was meant as a joke and the next thing I knew was X strangling me...lol... it didnt hurt but it tickles...so I laughed and even fell on my knees and got up again and back on the floor and I was having fun... til I thought of the same thing again then I started crying again...

Then after school I got really REALLY mad! I didnt show it until I reached home... I kept it locked up until my little sister annoyed me and it just snap and the next thing I knew, I shouted unrationaly at her... My parents was shock but didnt scold me and even asked me what happened, ofcorse I couldnt tell them what pissed me off so I told them that my sis annoyed me... it was good enough for them and they didnt bother me..

I went back to my room and whadda ya know, tears came darting down again...I hurried and text my rage on my phone and nearly send to the wrong person (which is the person I'm mad at) ... It was the worst emotional moment EVER! And it wasnt even a direct hit from the shooter...yea, with only minor injuries, I was already hurt deeply...

I cant believe I went so low for NOTHING!

Sigh...

2009-05-16T19:13:00.004+08:00

Exams this Monday... But here I am blogging...

Currently loving Younha's Strawberry Days...also introduced by the same person...haha...

Sigh... What should I do? I'm totally in pain (mentally)! I'm losing something very much important to me... and how can I get it back?

I dont get it... I dont get it at all... Why? I know very well myself that the important thing I'm losing isnt worth it at all... but why am I wasting every self concious of myself insisting to get it back? (and failing...)

The part of me, the part I never knew I had, is slowly surfacing... And I'm losing my mind just wanting to get rid of it... Like my cousin said, I'm getting emo-ish-er...

My mind says this but my heart says that...

But my heart won in the end...

And I'm so F*CKED UP about it!

My normal self is fading away, and I dont like this new self of mine...in fact, I hate it...

Its ruining my life...

Wracking every part of it...

In truth, I never wanted this important thing... but as my new self approuched, it became my life...

Just one look completes my day...
Just the thought of it is enough to keep me busy...
Just dreaming of it is enough to make me happy...

But that also means...

Just one day of ignorance is able to make me want to end my entire life...
Just one glare is able to make me lose confidence of everything...
Just one turn from you is able to make me think all the negativities about myself...
Just 3 words is able to make me feel like now... and the 3 words are 'I Hate You'

God... I'm really getting emo-ish-er... sigh...